NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize