The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
