I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
