Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
