he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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