she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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