i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
