Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
