He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
