she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
