so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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