He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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