Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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