so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
