I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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