I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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