We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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