Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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