my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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