How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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