I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
