This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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