just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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