walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
