So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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