I should be sponsored by Trojan
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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