I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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