and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
