Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
