the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
