i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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