the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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