Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
