If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
