Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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