no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
