Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
