he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
