i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
