in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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