I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
grandma shit on top of the toilet
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
