I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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