His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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