Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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