I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize