4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
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