Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
