Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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