I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will be naked everywhere
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
