Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
