I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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