Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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