are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
