just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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