I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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