Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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