i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
