Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
barbara walters just said penis...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
