I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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