If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
