I heard we made out
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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