windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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