i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
