i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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