i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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