I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
