Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
