yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
