i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
