dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
