Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
