I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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