Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
