Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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