So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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