Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
