i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
