I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
