That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
