Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
