I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
