We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
