I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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