Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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