You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
