Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
