you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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